JhonRae's Blog

 God I can't stop crying.

The other day my former partner informed me that my family invited him to Easter. Which I 100% support because I see him as family and will always be in my life. However, we both agreed that it’s incredibly messed up that they didn’t invite me. Which unfortunately the truth is they’ve been like that towards me for years. I feel I have been the “monster or villain” no matter what I say and do. I am always an afterthought to them. Of course, that hurts and it sucks to constantly be reminded in some way you will never be enough for your own family to accept you. Another thing that stings is that my birthday is close to Easter. So, I will be spending my birthday and Easter alone for the first time. I always had my partner and precious creatures to greet me at the door. This year I will come home to silence and knowing I never crossed my family’s mind during this time. 

 Earlier this morning I got to see my Kitty in my dreams. I was watching her fixated on some shadows from the blinds blowing in the wind. I remember feeling this immense love I have always had for her. I grabbed her and kissed her on the back like I always did. Then my alarm woke me up from a dream that I wanted to last a lifetime. I miss her so much.    

 I hold secrets you will never hear. You will assume. I hold pain that you could never bare. You will assume. I look beautiful. You will assume. I look innocent and naive. You will assume. I look put together. You will assume. Assumptions blind us from the truth.