JhonRae's Blog

To build a healthy foundation for any relationship such as family, friends or romance you need open communication, trust, mutual respect and the ability to build emotional safety. Open communication is about sharing thoughts and feelings without the fear of judgement. Trust is to have faith that individual is honest and sincere with their intentions and has your back. Mutual respect is setting boundaries, supporting each other’s opinions and perspectives while honoring and working through differences. Emotional safety is becoming vulnerable by opening up about fears, mistakes, rejection, judgement, stigma, and past hurt. As I continuously reflect on who I am and what I want in life I realize I don’t always apply these qualities to myself. I’ve lost faith in who I want to be. Lost trust in my abilities to overcome certain challenges. Rejecting different aspects of myself, and judging my past, present and future self. All parts of self-doubt that can be all consuming. I haven’t built...

 The other day a friend and I were talking about grief, expressing how each of us has processed emotions pertaining to loss. They stated, “I wish I could have done more.” I without a second thought said, “you did what you knew and that’s everything.” As the day past, I realized it was so easy for me to give them more grace than what I could ever give myself. I have been so hard on myself when it comes to all that I have lost throughout the years. I truly never gave myself as much love, compassion, empathy and grace for each of the losses I’ve experienced. I always had doubts that crept up taking away from the true authentic connection I had with each individual or creature. I was so focused on the “what if’s or could be’s.” I couldn’t see past the doubt to realize I did all that I knew in those moments and that was everything.

I exist in many forms. I am all at once all the things that have been said. I am all the things that I’ve experienced past, present and future. I am. I am the very being that is inside of me. While I am all of everyone and thing. I am unknown and unseen. Yet, I am known and seen. I am. I am a passing thought. I am memory. I am perceived in ways I will never experience. However, I experience. I am.

This will be my 3 rd post in one day because I apparently have a lot I want to say. I just got back from a walk and reflected as I usually do. I was mostly thinking about epilepsy and how it has impacted my life and so many. I recently learned that someone I knew passed away from complications due to epilepsy. I hate that they ended up being a statistic of SUDEP. Something that I have feared for myself.   August 14th, 2026, Remembering a soul that was kind, giving, creative and wanted to be accepted. To honor and help them pass to the other side learn to make a paper crane. That was their specialty and something they were passionate about.

I was supposed to get a tattoo, and I was actually very excited because it was offered to me for free and he is a wonderful artist. Funny enough, he was the one that offered to do the tattoo for me. I never asked him. A few days later or so, we were working on the drawing and he said, “maybe we can have sex for a tip.” Honestly, I didn’t call him out on that. I didn’t say anything but rather sat with that comment for a few days or so. I ended up sending him a voice note telling him kindly that I declined the tattoo. I told him I appreciated the offer but also told him that I didn’t appreciate that he asked me for sex. I explained that I am trying to change my life for the better and I felt that he thought he had a window of opportunity because of my vulnerable state of not having income. We never once were intimate and it’s disheartening to me that people take advantage of others even when at first it doesn’t seem like that. I acknowledge that I am not perfect and my situation is n...

Today I got the privilege to celebrate my family friend’s birthday! It brought me joy to make her earrings and see how much she lit up! What a wonderful moment. I wanted to share something that she wrote to me. “I’m deeply grateful we’ve found our way back to each other. Now we get to choose to be honest and share with each other. I’m here, as your chosen sister, and I’m honored to walk with you as you work through all of this. I absolutely adore you, and I love you so much. You are not alone in this, ever.” She messaged me sometime ago and wrote that. It truly means the world to me because I told her I felt bad that we were separated due to circumstances. She has all been so kind, genital, understanding, compassionate and supportive. I am truly blessed that we did find our way back to each other. Happy Birthday, soul sister.