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Saw A Hummingbird and Thought of You

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I just saw a hummingbird at my window! I live in a big city and did not expect that, especially when no one is allowed any kind of bird feeders at my complex. That was amazing! The moment I saw it I thought of Brandon. I wanted to text/call him to tell him about it. Yesterday was his birthday. I did text him because I wanted to honor the fact he didn’t want to celebrate or anything. I hope he did but part of me doubts it. Last time I saw him I could see defeat in his face. I wanted to hug all his pain away even though we separated and I have unresolved conflict. He told me, “You know you love someone when they make you that upset.” Okay maybe not exact quote but I think I got the idea of it down. Anyways, I agree with that. I agree there is a lot of passion behind it all and I will always love him. To be fully transparent I will never give up on him or walk away. I can only hope someday we can talk about my perception of unresolved conflicts and come to an understanding. Sometime...
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The Complexities of Homelessness

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I went for a walk the other day and I saw an older gentleman experiencing homelessness crying on the side of the road. Admittingly I was going to keep walking but I decided to approach him. I asked if I could sit with him and we talked for over an hour. Jeff a 61-year-old man told me what was in his heart and what was eating at him. As I was listening to him, I could see the immense pain and anger he felt. Jeff told me “It’s brave of you to come talk to me. Most people wouldn’t.” You know he is right, not a lot of people would. Which is unfortunate. Just because we don’t know someone doesn’t mean they don’t deserve to have community and to be acknowledged. He deserves to be seen even if his reality is different than mine. It’s unfortunate that there is a lot of misunderstanding of why someone is experiencing homelessness. Jeff is struggling with addiction, trauma, and psychosis of some sort. During our conversation I could hear the inconsistency, paranoia, and delusions he was expe...
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August 12, 2026 Writing from the Heart

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24 years ago, today on August 12, 2002, my mom passed away in my arms. I was just 11 years old. Something that is forever imprinted into my very soul.   December 5 th , 1994 Again, I’m late-sorry. But I have not forgotten about last week, Nov 30 th . As usually, we had fun, but no order. You were busy with so much from puzzles to puppets. When you read this all by yourself, you must tell me what you remembered and liked doing the most. Lately, you have been telling me what’s in your heart. It all sounds so wonderful that I believe you are an angel from heaven. I am blessed. Mama   I never got a chance to tell her what’s in my heart. I suppose on here I can send it to the universe in hopes someone hears me. Lately, it’s been tough for various reasons. I notice I have extreme lows often to the point I can’t function fully. Today is one of those days. I’ve been in my apartment most of the day thinking about how my life turned out. Cried for some time holding my stuf...
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A Dream Shared

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My eldest sister has been messaging me lately and I wanted to write about a dream she shared with me. She told me “You showed up at my house. We hadn’t seen or talked in 10 years. So broken and lonely and scared. You came to me because mom had come to you in a dream and told you to go to your sister she has what you need. She has what your heart needs to heal. You guys need each other. And you came. I woke up right after that. With the urgency to text you. It may be just a dream but I needed to at least tell you are loved, beautiful, and you are not alone.” I wrote this exactly how she messaged me because it’s something I don’t want to forget. Though my sister and I have had many differences and disagreements my heart is always with her. It’s frustrating because I get glimpse of my sister and then it goes away due to mental health or addiction. It’s a different kind of pain and loss when you watch some you love deeply come in and out of reality. I wish I could take all that away fr...
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My Shadow

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 I am running. No, sprinting. I can’t catch my breath. As I stop for a moment to look back my shadow is still behind me taunting me. I start to run again thinking this time I will escape. Then as my body is giving out, I start to laugh. Partially from exhaustion. Also, because it occurs to me that I can’t outrun my past. With the little energy that I have left I turn and I face my shadow. As I stare with frustration, hurt, sadness, rejection, failure, embarrassment, shame, guilt and hate then I realize my shadow wasn’t taunting me. It was trying to catch up to let me know I am not alone. I haven’t given myself time to breathe and take a moment to see another perspective. The perspective that my shadow is not my enemy but my companion that knows my past, present and future. It walks with me. Not against me.
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How do I want to be seen.

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 I am short but stand tall. My body is my temple and a safe place to look inward. My walk mimics the knowledge I carry. My voice reveals resiliency and commitment. My handshake shows strength and leadership. My eyes display curiosity and creativity. My smile demonstrates empathy and trust. My laughter reveals passion, love and humor. My arms produce a sense of comfort and compassion. My legs illustrate and guide opportunity. My feet provide foundation and stability.
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Ever Evolving Love

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Loving someone is a choice. A choice to try to understand their perspective. The willingness to take initiative to notice what is important in a moment’s time. Compromising the nuances. Taking a step back to self-reflect and take accountability of the part you’ve played in the miscommunications and lack of understanding. Learning to be patient when times are tough. Love is ever evolving that comes with growth, understanding, compassion, patients, and sometimes the ultimate sacrifice; letting go. Letting go of what you once knew or understood. Letting go and setting them free to be authentically happy despite it hurting. Love isn’t just about finding the “one” but rather a deep authentic connection even if it’s a moment in time. It still lasts a lifetime. A lifetime of memories, joy, connection, growth, problem solving, safety, comfort, and stability. While also unmasking and showing the other side. Unmasking hurt, sadness, confusion, miscommunication, disagreements, lack of account...
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