August 12, 2026 Writing from the Heart

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24 years ago, today on August 12, 2002, my mom passed away in my arms. I was just 11 years old. Something that is forever imprinted into my very soul.

 

December 5th, 1994

Again, I’m late-sorry. But I have not forgotten about last week, Nov 30th. As usually, we had fun, but no order. You were busy with so much from puzzles to puppets. When you read this all by yourself, you must tell me what you remembered and liked doing the most. Lately, you have been telling me what’s in your heart. It all sounds so wonderful that I believe you are an angel from heaven. I am blessed.

Mama

 

I never got a chance to tell her what’s in my heart. I suppose on here I can send it to the universe in hopes someone hears me.

Lately, it’s been tough for various reasons. I notice I have extreme lows often to the point I can’t function fully. Today is one of those days. I’ve been in my apartment most of the day thinking about how my life turned out. Cried for some time holding my stuffed animal Baby Paws. Baby Paws was given to me by my mom when I was very young. Baby Paws holds my memories and carries my secrets. I love that bear.

As I was holding him tight rocking back and forth trying to soothe my woes, I finally got myself up off the floor and decided to grab my mom’s journal she wrote to me and write what is in my heart as she wanted me to. So, here I am.

Then I decided to take a break and go for a walk because in the middle of me writing my friend David called. Every time a close friend of mine calls it gives me a glimmer of hope. It’s like they are resuscitating my soul bringing back from the darkness I feel glooming over me.

I am feeling a bit better but still anxious because I have been waiting for someone to hire me and give me an authentic chance. It’s been eating at me because I don’t have any income coming in and my unemployment ran out. I am a struggling social worker. When I talk to others, they are so excited to hear that I have my degree. I always hear “we need more social workers and they are much needed.” Well, yes that’s true but also there are so many barriers in what I call being in the helping field. Maybe someday I will talk about it on here.

Before I hop off, I hope whoever reads my blog it gives them motivation and inspiration to keep moving forward despite what life throws their way. I don’t want to sit here and be a hypocrite because I will be one of the first to admit I just want to give up. I know what it’s like to feel immense pain and it’s incredibly hard to find your peace. Though I keep on keeping on.

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