Ambiguous Love

 Recently I met someone that has continuously challenged me in ways I never thought I would experience. They some how gently nudge me to see the “flaws” in my thought process while still having the ability to see my perspective. Admittingly, it feels strange and foreign to me. They appear to have this deep understanding on how to recognize hidden or unspoken emotions.

Today, they kindly said “I think you love your ex and that’s okay I get it. Even if you don’t admit it, I know.” They told me it’s the way I talk about him. Honestly, as I reflect on their observation, I can’t not deny that I love him. I am still trying to protect his heart by sacrificing mine.

As I reflect on my definition of love, I realize that it’s never linear but rather ambiguous because it’s confusing and open to many interpretations. However, I do know when I say I love you, I mean it to my core. That’s why I don’t say it often because most of the time it’s not reciprocated. So, I hold on strongly to the ones I love even if that means I sacrifice something else.

Also, rejection hurts. That's another thing they bluntly but kindly pointed out to me. They said "you have abandonment issues. I didn't see it because you hold yourself so well." They were able to see that part of me that most people miss or end up being scared of. Usually, people don't acknowledge that part of me or they start to distance themselves due to there own insecurities. I was able to be vulnerable by authentically being me without the fear of them rejecting apart of me most people are scared of. Honestly, I don't understand how they even do that but I am here to learn.