Bravery

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Definition of bravery is to show mental or moral strength when facing danger, fear or difficulty.

I was told I was brave. Brave when I lost my mom. Brave when I was homeless. Brave being a foster kid. Brave living in a shelter. Brave being sexually assaulted. Brave for having epilepsy. Brave getting out of abusive relationships. Brave quitting a job. Brave for sticking up for myself to bullies. Brave for being a woman in this society. Brave for helping my uncle in his last days.

As I reflect on the definition of bravery in the context of my life I come to the realization that I was surviving. I didn’t get to chose to be “brave.” It was forced upon me.

The symptoms of “bravery” is shedding tears, making impossible decisions, starting over, panic attacks, self-doubt, self-hatred, anger, disappointment, fear, rejection, nightmares, disease, chronic pain, setting boundaries and heartache. 

 

I don’t want to be brave anymore.

 

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