Forgiveness and reciliation

Forgiveness is about peace within yourself and reciliation is about healing the relationship. Forgiveness itself can’t heal a relationship. When someone has broken your trust in a large or small way over time forgiveness is a choice to cancel out the wound they have caused. It’s not about forgetting about the wound that was caused. It’s about a choice to not carry the bitterness, shame, and the weight of their actions.

Reconciliation is about healing the relationship and granting that person access back into your life. Access has to be earned by rebuilding trust. It takes that person to understand how they have hurt you and get curious about your pain. They don’t just say “I’m sorry you got hurt’ they step into your perspective. The remorse and repair isn’t just with words but with consistent change in behavior. They validate your pain as real. When we try to reconcile with someone that has no interest in taking accountability or having curiosity, we feel even more abandoned than before.

 

Today,

You saw a different part of me that came out. Full of resentment, anger, rage, hate, hurt, abandonment, confusion, loss of control, and self-hatred. I became so enraged to the point I admittingly wanted to hit someone. I didn’t. I chose to self-destruct on myself. I showed a really painful side of me that has been neglected and abused for many years. I recognize that. I recognize my behavior wasn’t “perfect.” However, my behavior is based on reality. It’s based on the constant spiritual assault I have taken for too long. It’s a deep wound that keeps getting cut.

I am aware that I can’t objectively see what you see in me. The pain I bare blinds me to see in full capacity. However, it has not blinded me in noticing that when someone has and continues to lack empathy despite their words. Words are usually the “easy” part. It’s the consistent change in actions/behaviors, reflection, compassion, empathy, and the willingness to be vulnerable enough to say I fucked up that is hard.