Black Listed

You know it’s so easy for me to sell my body than it is to show case my value and worth intellectually. I was wrongfully terminated months ago, and I have been struggling to find a job since then. I have been continuously rejected for one reason or another. I even applied to jobs I am overqualified for. Recently, I decided to take my previous job off my resume to see if that makes a difference. To be completely honest I feel like I am being blacklisted ever since then.

I lost unemployment, now I just learned today I am only qualified to receive food stamps for 3 months. The cut-off date is October 1^st so that is coming up fast. I have continuously applied at every god damn place. This week I spent hours applying and crying at the same time. It is a vicious cycle that appears to have no end to it.

To add fuel to the already burning fire I became a sugar baby because it appears its easier to sell my body than to convince someone of my value and worth intellectually. It’s actually ironic because I desperately wanted my ex to complement me and make me feel attractive. However, that was not his love language. That was the one love language that meant everything to me that he just didn’t compromise on until it was too late. Love is supposed to be selfless and other focused. It’s not always about how they want to show you affection but rather consider how you may want to receive it.

Now, I am here. I am surviving.

To others that may secretly judge me it’s okay I get it. I judge myself every damn day.