Cat and Mouse

 I went to therapy the other day for the first time in almost a year. I was able to make a same day appointment thankfully because to be completely transparent I was uncontrollably sobbing after the strange interview I had. Later I messaged an acquaintance and told her what happened more in-depth. Even though I acknowledge that I was having anxiety during the interview she told me “I’m frustrated for you and with her. For what it’s worth it sounds more like the problems were more tied to where she was at than your actions.” I don’t know if this is true. However, I do agree that during an interview an interviewer should never just say well we are not hiring. She wasted my time and hers. Again, I will admit I am not perfect, but I feel like others have continuously treated me as if I have no clue what I am doing.

Also, I do want to reflect back and note that I did call this employer a few days prior to this interview introducing myself. I want to remember how she made me feel just with a phone call. She seemed cold, distant, judgmental and distracted. Despite my intuition I keep compromising my comfortability and worth to just trying to get a job. Life shouldn’t be this way. It just shouldn’t. Then I spoke to another friend that has been in the field for about 5 years, and she said this is normal. I told her this shouldn’t be normal. People in the “helping field” are absolute hypocrites to sit across from a client and tell them they see so much potential in them. While in the hiring process they tell individuals with less experience to come back when they have more experience. It's this vicious cycle of cat and mouse. 

Break it down:

Received my master’s in social work but now I need to work towards my independent licensure. To obtain my independent licensure I need to be hired to meet the Board of Social Work’s requirements. However, most places are hiring for the very thing I need to achieve through experience. How the hell am I supposed to obtain my independent license if no one wants to hire me for me to get the experience and work towards that licensure? What the fuck was the point of going to school? What is the point in all this?