Sleep Walking

I had some issues last night. Feeling lightheaded and weak with a strange sensation running throughout my body. I feel that right now. That is the reality of having epilepsy.

Also, I had such a strange out-of-body dream. I knew I was sleeping but I stood up and staired into my living room. I heard a man’s voice that sounded like my dad. I remember feeling frightened and uneasy. I just stood there staring. I don’t know how long from the time I stood there scared to waking up in my bed in a panic. It was early in the morning around 3 or 4 when I officially woke up. After I woke up in a panic, I still felt scared and turned on my light for the remainder of the morning. I used to do this as a kid at my dad’s house. I would be so panicked that I slept with the light on all night and still always woke up scared.

I also used to sleepwalk, and I think the last time I did I was in my early 20’s when I was living at Life House for homeless youth. To be completely honest I forgot I used to do it in my 20’s. Every time I ever recalled sleepwalking I think of my teens and younger. I think my body is stressed and traumatized. I am reliving my past in my sleep lately. Waking up in a panic often scared and now possibly sleeping walking.

Even about two or so months after I moved away from my hometown, I had a bigger seizure. I was so overwhelmed, hurt, angry, scared, and grieving more loss. I couldn’t catch my footing and have continued to stumble throughout the past year. I don’t know when I will finally find where I truly fit in or belong, but it can’t come soon enough. I am exhausted and my body, spirit and mind is wearing down.